Be the Change in Your Relationship

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world”
~~Mahatma Gandhi

Mahatma Gandhi’s quote is beautiful and so simple that it seems obvious.  The best quotes are.   If you think people should be more considerate in public then be considerate.  If you think people complain too much then stop complaining.  I had a nice, little laugh at myself when I realized that I was complaining about the fact that other people were complaining. 🙂

You can see how influencial this quote is and how much change could be brought about even with the mainstream belief system here in Canada and other parts of the world, but it becomes even more essential if you understand/believe in the Law of Attraction (LOA).  If you aren’t familiar with this law, the simple idea is, “What you put out is what you get back” or, “You reap what you sow.”

Gandhi’s quote states LOA beautifully.  Look at relationships for example.  Do you want to have a more loving relationship with your spouse?  Then be more loving.   Let go of the fact that they never change the toilet paper roll, constantly leave the cap off the toothpaste, or are always 15 minutes late.  There are an infinite number of reasons that you can use to justify your position – evidence that you are right and they are utterly, horribly wrong.  Endless reasons for why you can’t be happy because of someone else’s actions.

I’m not saying you’re wrong.  Who knows, you’re probably right. 😉  But if you want to have a more open relationship, be more open.  If you want to have more fun, be more fun.  Whatever change you would like to see in your relationships, be it.  Be it without insisting that the other person also do it.  Let them make their own choices for how they want to be and you decide how you want to be.

Relationships are a co-creation.  The two of you, whether it’s your spouse, your child, your neighbour, or your boss, created the current dynamic that exists between you.  You not only created it, you’re continuing to feed it.  You both add your streams of energy,  and the relationship you have is the sum of that.

There are two wonderful things here.  One is that one person does not have more of a say than the other, regardless of who would be considered to be in the position of power.  Your boss doesn’t get to determine 85% of the dynamic while you chip in 15%.  You and your boss/mother-in-law/teacher are equal in the eyes of the Universe.

Math always seems clearer and more straight-forward to me, so I like to visualize this as an equation.

U + T = R (yoUr energy plus Their energy creates the Relationship)

So,  if you want to change the relationship dynamic, just change your variable. Change your input.  If you have a negative feeling towards your neighbour that he wholeheartedly reciprocates, change your focus to how you want it to feel.  What would the ideal relationship with that neighbour feel like?  It’s just like changing your variable from -10 to +20.  Okay, maybe that might be a bit of a stretch at first, but you can certainly go from -10 to -7 and then eventually 0.  And with just that change of energy on your side, your relationship will have to change.

It’s just as simple as changing variables in an equation.  Even if you start out with at a -20 relationship (-10 + -10 = -20), that can’t possibly stay the same if you change the variable U to 0.  Even if your neighbour continues to be his usual contentious self and digs in his heels at -10, your relationship will improve to -10 (0 + -10 = -10).

It’s that simple and you are that powerful. You don’t need anyone else to behave in a certain manner.  You certainly wouldn’t want anyone else to have the power to dictate the way you Be, so extend that courtesy to others.  Because, really, you have no choice. You have zero control over what others are doing.

Be yourself and allow them to be themselves.

And the second wonderful thing about this?  Positive energy is exponentially more powerful than negative energy.  Abraham Hicks, the first spiritual teachers that opened my eyes to all of this, always say, “One that is connected to Source is more powerful than millions who are not.”  And Bashar, another great teacher, explains this by saying that while negative energy is segregated and separate, positive energy is harmonious and works together.

So, once you get yourself even a little bit over to the positive side, you’ll have a lot more leverage.  Going back to our equation analogy, a +3 will have the power of +30, so just that little bit of positivity on your part, even with your cranky -10 neighbour, is going to give you an R of +20.

Now, don’t expect the other person to go from the Wicked Witch of the West to Tinker Bell.   Remember, you don’t get to control what anybody else is doing.  But maybe when the two  of you cross paths they’ll refrain from making their usual nasty comment about what you’re wearing.  Then perhaps you’ll notice you just aren’t even running into them as often as you used to.  And, with time, they may even smile at you instead of frowning.

Just be a little bit patient.  Your relationship has some negative momentum to it, so give it a bit of time to cool off.  I’m not talking years, months, or even weeks, but don’t get discouraged if after 20 seconds of positive effort on your side, your relationship is as sucky as ever.  Dont’t worry.  If you’ve had a touchy relationship with your Aunt Rose for 15 years you don’t have to grit your teeth and try to be positive for another 15 years.  Just stop feeding the negativity.

Think of a harp, or any other instrument with strings.  The sound of the note doesn’t cut off exactly one second after you let go of the string.  It keeps vibrating for a while and then stops.  And the sound certainly stops a lot sooner than if you keep plucking it every 3 seconds.

Stop strumming the String of Negativity!

I tried this with the most negative relationship in my life and it worked wonderfully.  I was surprised because at first I wasn’t even focusing on improving how I felt about that particular relationship, but rather I was just trying to feel more peaceful in general.  It was a few days before I noticed that the sharp, unpleasant edge that was a constant was missing.  Then when I tried being more positive about that relationship specifically, things really smoothed out.

Feel the way you want to feel in the relationship. Give it a try. What have you got to lose?  Worse case scenario is that you would have spent a couple minutes of your day for a few days feeling good.  Oh, the horror!

Check out the Resources page if you want some good LOA resources.